Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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