You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
