he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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