so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
