i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
