she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I could make wine with my vomit
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize