What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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