addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize