I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
