It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
