I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize