last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
