did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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