I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
