Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize