Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
