I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
