His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Vodka?
Forever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
