She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You were trust falling into bushes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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