wrigley field is MILF paradise
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
