you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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