So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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