Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
