Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
