If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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