Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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