i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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