Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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