went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
