he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
