never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
