ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
