He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
