Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
