I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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