I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
