Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are the jesus of drinking
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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