i'm lost and i look like a hooker
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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