Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
