Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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