it wasn't lemon gatorade
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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