i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
