I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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