"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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