her vagine was all disorganized.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
