I want to have your abortion
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
