you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
