am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
