Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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