a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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