Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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