so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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