Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
