Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
