i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We are two peas in an std pod
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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