sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize