What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you would pick up someone in the library
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
