Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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