If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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