these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
