i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
