I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize