You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize