her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
