Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
