this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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