i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
