I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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