I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
