never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
