this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
