I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
