Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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