Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
