You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
