He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
