I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
