I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize