you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
