Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
