can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
