still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
