She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
