he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
