i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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