how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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