In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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