This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
