he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
