I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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