it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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