I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize