She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
